January Reset: Nurture
To kick off the new year, we’re sharing a weekly word-of-the-week inspired by our go-to organizing principles.
This final week is: Nurture.
Nurture…ahhh….for years as a career-oriented young mom, this notion seemed indulgent and almost matronly. I simply didn’t have time for it, and opted instead to hustle. It’s only since accepting the ongoing upkeep and maintenance work required at home that I’ve started to come around to the necessity of nurturing all aspects of life I hold near and dear. For parents in particular, there’s just no escaping the responsibility of nurturing. Our own actions add up in significant ways to shape our family’s behaviour and development. With so much growth happening around us, the need to cultivate is unavoidable.
My own family set a very high bar when it comes to nurturing. Pictured here with my parents and sister—both of us wearing sweaters hand-sewn by my grandma.
I was fortunate to grow up in a very nurturing home: loving, creative and supportive. I see how these values carried over into my relationships and career in many ways. Before having kids I had many work ‘babies’ - projects I poured everything into, often losing track of time in the process - which explains why establishing more boundaries has been critical as a parent. Back then, I couldn’t keep a plant alive for the life of me. I chalked it up to lacking a green thumb…but it turned out to be bigger than that.
I was underprepared for all the things that would compete for my attention as a parent. Kids, career, home ownership, marriage, friendships, family, health. Nurturing my first-born—through the basics of feeding, sleeping, even walking—was harder than I could have imagined. I love him dearly, and treasured that year with him, but felt a sense of relief when I got back to work—a place where I knew what I was doing.
When I went back to work full-time after having my second child, I found myself just trying to keep up with it all. I may have had people fooled on the outside, but it took a toll inside. The sense that for a time I was neglecting aspects of my family life, my career development, and my own health, ate away at me as I went through the motions of trying to keep all the balls in the air. I realized eventually that my idea of nurturing, was misguided. I poured myself into various things until I had nothing left to give to others, including myself. My lack of green thumb, I realized then, was due to my inclination to neglect plants and then overwater. This was how I was approaching life as a parent, priming myself to burnout.
Now I see nurturing, not just as giving, supporting or taking care of something, but as establishing the regular habits or support systems to tend to it, bit by bit. It doesn’t yield instant results, but it pays dividends in the long run. Nurturing felt like work when I was stretched too thin and worn down, but the more I’ve simplified, and set appropriate boundaries, the more I’ve actually enjoyed it…because it means taking care of what I need and love.
Despite always wanting a career, taking a break in 2018 from the career path I was on allowed me to eventually launch this home organization business: supporting other families who could benefit from helping hands.
As I grow my business, and think about taking on more responsibilities again, I’ve recognized that I’ll have to increase my capacity to nurture by enlisting others’ help. Nurturing at scale—as a leader, particularly as a working parent—relies on a support system, and a sense of structure that provides reliability and consistency. It’s accepting help, asking for help, and outsourcing help, in the form of an involved partner, a reliable babysitter, meal delivery, therapy, a housekeeper or nanny.
On the heels of finding ways to simplify my new year, and use boundaries to my advantage, I am ready to set my attention on nurturing this week. I’m going to give myself a break from the home-related to-dos I’ve been listing though, not looking to create more work. Instead, I will just give myself a chance to indulge in caring for what’s in front of me with whatever capacity I have.